Thursday the 13th

"She wants to know what you're doing," Mike said. He held the cell phone away from himself.

"Well, right now I'm doing this," I said taking a drink of my Mirror Pond.

"No, I mean she wants to know if you want to hang out tonight. Now I can't do anything with her because of the elaborate lies I've told her. But you should go and hang out with her."

"You gotta girl that wants ot hang out with you tonight? Right on," Will said. "You've gotta take that opportunity."

"Yah, if you go I'll get you're beer," Mike said.He said the magic words, and they translated to free beer.

"Tell her I'll meet her at the Hillsdale Brewery," I said.

So I said goodbye to my friends and walked to my car. It was an easy drive to the brewery. I was even a little bit early. I sat in an empty booth next to a table of rowdy college students. When the waiter came by I ordered an IPA. I sat listening to the four students talk about the various girls that they were interested in and was amazed at the detail that they were willing to go into in public. After about twenty minutes Tana called. She was lost. I tried to help her out, but I wasn't really familiar with the area. But I guess maybe just staying on the line until she showed up made her feel better.

As she sat across from me I her amazing aroma overwhelmed my senses. We sat and talked about various things. Books, movies, video games, television, our friends, and whatever else we wanted to. She had a Budweiser. I had another IPA. Then we ordered the tots to share and I got a cup of soup. We continued talking about music and school and work and I got myself one more IPA. When it was getting to be about time to go she offered me the rest of her Budweiser because she didn't feel it would be very safe for her to drive after drinking an entire beer. I drank a little bit of it, but it was warm and nowhere near as satisfying as the IPA's. Then I paid the check and she took me for a drive in her 'new' car.

She drove us to her place and we decided that it was time to watch some Friends. She had the entire first season. Then she offered me a beer. I took the Budweiser Select. Being in this girl's apartment was a little bit like being in heaven.

So we sat on the couch and watched a few episodes. The whole time I was thinking about how much I wanted to kiss her. Then I would look at her and get ready to make the move and then chicken out. After about an hour of this we decided to call it a night so she gave me a ride back to the restaurant so I could pick up my car.

I got in and immediately lit a cigarette. I was more than a little frustrated with my chickenshit behavior at her place. I got lost on the way home and ended up in downtown Portland. To make things worse nature was calling and I had nowhere to answer that call. I finally made my way out of Portland and towards Beaverton. I wanted to get home fast.

As I was going about seventy-five miles per hour on Sunset Highway I saw a cop with a radar gun standing outside of their car. I decided that under the circumstances the best course of action would be to pull off at the nearest exit so that I could avoid a traffic ticket. I made my way home considering stopping at the corner store for cigarettes, but my bladder had too strong a hold on me for my nicotine addiction to matter.

When I pulled into my parking lot I saw police lights flashing in my rear view mirror. I pulled into a parking space and stepped out of the car.

"Get back in your car," the officer yelled.

So I got back in my and the officer came to the window. "Put your hands on the wheel," she yelled. 'Are you fucking serious,' is all that was running through my mind. "License, registration, and proof of insurance please." I quickly pulled my registration and insurance cards out of my glovebox. Then I reached my wallet and handed her my license. "Was there any reason in particular that you were going so fast?"

"I really need to use the restroom," I said. I've found that usually the truth works best. I forgot that the police are the exception.

"Have you been drinking this evening?" she asked."I had a couple of beers over dinner," I said. Another police car pulled into the parking lot and the officer who was questioning went to talk to them. After a couple of minutes another lady officer came to my window. After their deliberation they decided that they would put me through a series of sobriety tests. They didn't really say whether or not I passed the tests, although I have a sneaking suspicion that no matter what happened things would have gone about how they did. The second officer told me to put my arms behind my back and she handcuffed me. They took all of my personal belongings, except for my wallet and cell phone, and put them in a paper grocery bag.

"You can just leave all that stuff in my car and I'll pick it up tomorrow," I said."No, because we're towing you're car," the officer said.

'This is unbelievable,' I thought. 'Who tows a car away from a person's own residence?'

So the officer drove me to the station and had me take an Intoxalizer test. She looked very disappointed when I blew a point oh seven. They booked me anyway and told me that I would be in jail until I was able to blow a point oh five. They also told me they were still giving me a ticket for Driving Under the Influence of Intoxicants. Ten hours later they finally let me out. I don't know why they had air conditioning in the holding cell in the middle of the fall, but it wasn't very pleasant.

Anyway, once I was out of jail it was time to call into work and find my car. I called my temp agency and let them know that I wouldn't be able to make it to work today because of my rather crappy situation. Then I went to the clerks office to get the paperwork to get my car out of impound. Apparently because I had failed to change the registration into my name they said that I was going to need to get the owner to get it out of impound. I explained that I had bought the car but just hadn't gone to the DMV to change ownership yet. They said if I brought in the title that I would be able to get the release form. So I MAXed it home and found the title and MAXed it back. It cost sixty dollars to get that stupid release form. Then I called the number of the towing place and asked them where my car was at. They told me that they were in southeast Portland. So again to the MAX. Then a half hour walk to the impound lot. When I got there they informed me that my car was not at their main lot, but at a lot in Beaverton next to Starz. I was more than a little perterbed, but what you gonna do? I called my friend Mike and asked him if he could give me a ride to Beaverton because time was beginning to run a little bit short. It was already three-thirty. So I hoofed it back to the MAX stop in way less time than it took me to get to the impound yard. Then we rode to his car. It took us about half an hour and him making fun of me a whole lot before we finally made it to the impound place in Beaverton. A hundred and seventy more dollars and the car was all mine again.

What a Thursday night.