Spring Break

When I finished my bottle of Budweiser I let out a yell and rolled down my window so I could wait for my opportunity. It came in the form of a sign that said ‘Newport 7’. It was a perfect hit and my companions hooted and hollered as the noise of shattering glass faded and we flew forward without caring about a speed limit.

“Shit. We’re almost out of beer guys,” Simon said as he handed me another beer.

“Well we’re almost to Newport, so let’s finish what we’ve got and then we’ll pick up some more when we get there,” said Jake. “Hey, I’m sorry but what’s your name man?”

“Seth,” replied my good college buddy. We had stopped by Corvallis to pick him up earlier in the night. Jake, Simon and I had decided that on a road trip more meant merrier.

“Could you grab the wheel for a second?” Jake asked.

“Sure man,” said Seth.

He grabbed the wheel and Jake leaned out the driver’s side window. He threw his beer at a sign on the other side of the road and narrowly missed. But it didn’t matter because the bottle exploded when it collided with the ground. Simon and I began dancing in the ludicrously large back seat. I now understand why people would buy cars that people call boats. There is just something special about being able to dance in a car.

As we entered Newport Seth asked us, “So what am I picking up for you guys then?”

Jake and I started laughing. Jake said, “Actually all that you need to do is take over driving duties once we get to the store.”

Once we had parked in the Safeway parking lot Seth took Jake’s seat and us three (Madrasians, Madrasites, Madra- you know sometimes coming form a small town can be very confusing) entered the store. We walked around, seeing where the employees were in relation to the beer and the exit. We saw two people, one stocking the shelves and chatting with the other employee who didn’t seem to be doing anything productive at all. The beer was in the corner of the store that was the farthest away from the exit as possible.

“Okay guys are you ready?” Jake asked. Simon and I just nodded our heads and began to grab cases. Four cases each. One in each hand and one held above it by the crook of our arms. It took us about a minute to situate ourselves with twelve cases. Two hundred and eighty-eight beers can be a little bit tricky. “Let’s go then.” Jake broke into a run and Simon and I followed suit trailing closely behind our more athletic colleague.

Jake had made it out side and I had made it to the last check-stand before the door when suddenly one of the employees noticed what we were doing. “Hey, stop. This isn’t funny,” she yelled as the chase began. But it was too late. We had too large a head start and were able to jump into the car and yell, “Drive fucker,” before she had even made it out of the store.

“What the hell is that guys?” Seth asked as we began to speed northbound on the 101.

“That was not having to worry about running out of beer this weekend,” Jake said.

We stopped five miles down the road in a Kingdom Hall parking lot. Jake and I quickly transferred two cases worth of beer into our school bags for easy access for the rest of the trip. We would have one bag in front and one in back. Smoking cigarettes and drinking the plunder were the ways that we attempted to bring ourselves down from the adrenaline high. It didn’t work very well though. We threw our beers into the bushes, hopped into the car, and began to talk about what our next mischievous act would be on this cloudless evening.

“C’mon guys, what are we gonna do tonight?” Jake cracked his beer as he let out a yell. He then took a fresh beer from his bag and threw it under the rear right left wheel. It burst over the road like a sort of liquid grenade. It made Simon and I break into an awkward mosh to the sound of “You’re Only Going To Die For Your Arrogance”.

The car was bouncing around in a way that was testing its suspension when Simon hit me so hard that I actually fell over the front seat. Both Seth and Jake were given a hand to the back of the as my arms spread out in an effort to maintain my balance. As I realized what was happening I saw two beers fly towards the ceiling and begin to pour all over it. Then suddenly Jake’s head appeared and I saw him fumbling for what I assumed was his beer. He was raining expletives when he made a grab for the offending beverage as it easily rolled to his left and to the realm of safety. At this point I fell forward as I heard the sound of a one-ton car going through three inches of solid wood and a stop sign puncturing a hole in the roof of the car. As my face hit Seth’s feet I could hear the sound of metal bouncing along the road behind us. Jake could hear the sound of my feet hitting him in the back of the head. It seemed to knock him into taking action because he floored it as he fought to bring the road into his line of sight. One the car stopped bouncing me around I sat back upright. Between Seth and Jake. I put an arm around each of them.

“What do you guys say we drive twenty miles down the road to find a campsite? And then we’ll never speak of this horrid event ever again,” I said.

I then slid back over the seat and resumed my post behind Jake. I sat quietly sipping my beer until we reached the campsite.

Writing makes me happy.